Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - March 2014

01/03/14  ||  Global Domination

Kampfar: Djevelmakt

7.2/10

Habakuk: What’s better than one pissed off Norwegian? Four pissed off Norwegians! 7

CadenZ: Raw and no-frills groovy black from our Western neighbors. Though the songs are very good and energetic, some of them could have been shortened a bit for additional punch and vigor. Still, the black heart is in the right place and the passionate pounding is imposing, as it should. 7

Cobal: Hadn’t heard from these guys ever since “Fra Underverdenen” and they seem to go in the same direction. And I like it. 7

sincan: Djevelmakt is Norwegian for fucking shit (the verb) and holy fuck do I hear some funky tunes for once? 8

Ironpants: I didn’t think that I would like this as much as I did, but this was a pleasant surprise. I guess it has to do with the groove they invoke in some of the songs. 7

Persuader: The fiction maze

7.0/10

Habakuk: I’ll content myself with raising the Hansi Kürsch namedrop count by one. 7

CadenZ: Ahhhh, my ears!!! This production is sharper and more jagged than the teeth of a 86-year-old manwhore whose career was built on being on the receiving end of brutal skullfucking by thugs with 12-inch dicks. In diameter. Other than that I give the thumbs-up to most everything on this album: great musicianship, good vocalist, energetic songs, varied arrangements, cool cover art. Just hire someone else to do the mixing and mastering job next time, will ya? 7

Cobal: Hansi Kürsch should be proud. 7

sincan: Pretty good and heavy for being powah metüll. Something for the others in this dirty genre to learn from. It gets a bit repetitive after some tracks. 7

Ironpants: I don’t listen to power metal very often… but when I do, I listen to Persuader! Seriously though, I hate power metal in general, but I must say that this band made me re-think my agenda a little bit. It could be that they serve up some interesting ideas that are inspired by other genres, and the cool drumming together with the engaging guitar play. 7

Aenaon: Extance

6.6/10

Habakuk: Noanea. Nope, doesn’t make sense the other way round either. 6

CadenZ: Man, this new Shining album sounds kinda nice. Too bad it’s, you know. A rip-off. 4

Cobal: Never thought I’d say this, but when it comes to jazzy/progressive “black” metal, this stuff is actually—gee, I can’t believe this—better… Errr… Better than… Please forgive me, Ihsahn and Shining. I think the difference lies on writing true songs rather than over-experimenting with music. 8

sincan: In days where modern black metal might be seen as a bad thing I call this fish metal. Samplings of moaning women is, to be honest, pretty done. 7

Ironpants: You know, from the piano intro and when that saxophone began I was glued to my stereo. Why haven’t I heard these guys before? Excellent shit with jazzy ventures and a lot to discover. 8

Inferi: The path of apotheosis

6.4/10

Habakuk: Sounds ADD and has a fantasy-themed cover. Thanks, but no thanks. 5

CadenZ: Shit guitar sound, shit panning (everything is left-heavy), shit mix job (thin and uncohesive), shit arrangements (too many ideas, guys) and shit synth samples. On the plus side we have nice instrumental execution and skills, and some cool riffs and melodies. Too chaotic for its own good, Inferi need to pull their shit together and weed out the weak material. There’s definitely some great potential here, but OH MY GOD WRITE SOME GODDAMN SONGS INSTEAD OF WANKING ABOUT ALL DAY YOU CHIPMUNKS! 5

Cobal: Wow. Seriously. So much happening at the same time and so dynamically. Furious yet elegant melodies and counterpoints, speed ups and downs and whatnot. So much detail and so little time to spend on this kind of records—sigh. 9

sincan: If you like some blackened technical death metal I guess this is your butt plug. I tend to enjoy some of the parts which reach my frost-covered heart. 7

Ironpants: This is pretty cool shit once you get past the shaved nutsack production. It’s a little too fast and thanks to that ass-smack-with-naked-hand sound to the bass drums, it looses it’s a charm a bit, but never the less, pretty decent. Almost like a good version of Cradle Of Filth. 6

Alcest: Shelter

6.2/10

Habakuk: I always thought these guys were some sort of neo black metal band? This is pure post rock, God is an Astronaut with French lyrics! I was absolutely not prepared for this. 6

CadenZ: Neige finally takes the final step out of the square of metal and paints his own shapes and figures with a hazy brush of atmospheric music in the vein of newer Anathema. This is a fantastic soundtrack for all those moments when you just need to close your eyes and breathe. 9

Cobal: For a band with a black metal background I found null evidence of any kind of harsh music. If you ask me, what these Frenchies play nowadays shares quite a big deal of common ground with some other sophisticated black metal acts, except Alcest already signed the divorce papers and ran to the arms of Zen rock. Le truc is they do it gracefully. I’m still way more into previous works, but this isn’t bad for a change. 6

sincan: Alcest has always been a great band in my book, however the last album was a disappointment since the songwriting went down along with increasing the sugar sweet cuteness. This album continues on the same theme and it feels like Neige is forever trapped in his fairytale land. 5

Ironpants: I’ve never understood the greatness of Alcest, and this album will help me continue in that fashion. Soft pop with a sound that is totally not my cup of moonshine. There’s something about the French language though, and it gives me a boner listening to French lyrics, I would prefer if it was a chick singing though, but this is as close as it gets. 5

Iskald: Nedom og nord

6.0/10

Habakuk: Leaves me pretty cold. Heh. 5

CadenZ: Nice black metal of the not-too-brutal-yet-not-too-melodic variety. Extra points for the gloomy Dissection-inspired leads. Will get multiple spins. 7

Cobal: B l a c k M e t a l: You’ve heard that, bitch? 6

sincan: Iskald has one of the coldest names in metal, but yet struggles from sounding too generic in the BM scene. 6

Ironpants: Melodic black metal that is well performed and pretty good, but nothing I would kill to get my hands on. 6

Lay Down Rotten: Deathspell catharsis

5.6/10

Habakuk: Thoroughly and massively uninteresting. 5

CadenZ: So uninspired I feel the urge to lay down and rot. 5

Cobal: Not only is this some serious shit, but also has a very special flavor. It’s probably the result of really tight guitar work, well written songs and flawlessly chosen pedal effects. Do guitar players still use pedals or it’s all about PCs these days? Does anyone care when this is what you get? 8

sincan: This reminds me of Amon Amarth, but with less horned helmets and more dess and schmetterlings. Pretty OK! 6

Ironpants: Hmmm, someone has to take a few classes in mixing. The drums, bass drums especially, sounds too big for the enviroment and that makes it sound that he is out of time and off queue. I couldn’t listen to the whole album. It doesn’t matter, I knew at once that it was a… 4

Suicidal Angels: Divide and conquer

5.6/10

Habakuk: A few decent riffs can’t mask that this is an Evile-clone. That’s right, an EVILE clone. Get the fuck out of here. 4

CadenZ: OK thrash metal is OK. 5

Cobal: How I got so bored with LotD’s and so amused by this is beyond me. Derivative thrash metal that almost makes you forget how derivative it is. That’s how. 7

sincan: Divide and conquer my ass, ehm, sorry where was I? Suicidal anal, seems like something you can try if you don’t want to try anything else (I didn’t speak about the band there). Groove my thrash and smash my cock against your face, ass pulp! 6

Ironpants: Nothing’s wrong with some thrash metal. Especially if it is really good. This is pretty mediocre though, but they have their moments, that “Seed of evil” song is pretty badass, even if we all have heard it before. 6

Iced Earth: Plagues of Babylon

5.4/10

Habakuk: Even though they have grown quite formulaic, these guys hit the spot time and time again for me, and they do have a pretty good singer. 7

CadenZ: Sounds like Schaffer´s right hand is starting to lag behind and descend into mortal territory, as the once godlike picking isn’t as stellar as it was in yesteryear. What about the songs, you say? I say, what songs? 5

Cobal: Is it just me or this is probably the most thrash-oriented record these gringos have released? Interesting how they manage to do so without necessarily stepping on the gas as an easy way out. I applaud this… A bit. 6

sincan: For every track that I suffer through, it just gets worse and worse, I smell identity crisis. I’m a bit surprised though since I always thought that this band was only about wolf t-shirts, but in fact it was only about the eagle shirt. 3

Ironpants: Death metal album cover, death metal song titles…limp dick heavy metal. 6

Legion Of The Damned: Ravenous plague

5.0/10

Habakuk: I’ve fallen for these guys once before and it got old, fast. I’m very cautious this time, but damn, they do play their shit well. Just detract 2 points in two weeks. 7

CadenZ: When your album is filled with filler, you know it’s bad. 4

Cobal: Yes, it’s thrashing death metal and yes I know we’re all supposed to like it, but come on: Am I the only one around here who got really bored after the third track? 4

sincan: One of the lamest monikers around is having a rather boring sound. Well, I guess that someone can enjoy this, not me though. 4

Ironpants: They release album after album, none of them manage to catch my interest. Standard stuff that gets the job done. 6

Primal Fear: Delivering the black

4.8/10

Habakuk: Sounds like they got a young version of Kai Hansen in their ranks – fair enough, but not my style exactly. 6

CadenZ: Delivering the black? More like delivering the bland. 4

Cobal: Whoa! So many power metal records in the same AA edition? How fun! No, that was not sarcasm. This is not as surprising—nor interesting for that matter—as Persuader’s but I also get that 90s Teuton power metal vibe from “Delivering the Black”, and I also like it. 6

sincan: I can’t take this (for) father(s) metal anymore… 4

Ironpants: Standard metal for standard people. I am unique and crave for something more than the metal I listened to when I was 12 years old. 4

Chrome Division: Infernal rock eternal

4.6/10

Habakuk: Motorjesus have a better name and make better music in this style. 5

CadenZ: Motörhead meets Mustasch meets Mötley Crüe meets insipid songwriting. “The Absinthe Voyage” is the only peak that rises above the waves in this ocean of mediocrity. 5

Cobal: I refused to agree with Ironpants at first, but I can’t but surrender to the evidence. Still, there are a few good moments here and there. So sad, anyway. 5

sincan: Haha what the fuck just happened? Did someone just ad(d) some Daft Punk’d vocals in this party music? These are the two questions that got stuck before my mind froze. 4

Ironpants: Stiff, neutered and totally uncool radio hard rock, where’s the genital power from their earlier work? 4

Mustasch: Thank you for the demon

4.4/10

Habakuk: One of these bands I want to like but don’t. The song just aren’t great, guys. And contrary to your usual albums, there aren’t even any fantastic individual songs. 4

CadenZ: I guess I’m becoming an old fart, since this turn into a more melodic and varied direction that Mustasch took a couple of albums back really suits my taste extremely well. A mish-mash of genres and strong hooks, with Gyllenhammar’s trademark raspy voice on top of it all – this is some good shit. 8

Cobal: At least they did let us know what it was gonna be about since the very beginning. Can someone make that guy shut the fuck up? On the other hand, I really like some of the riffs here. 4

sincan: I usually keep this as my little secret but I guess I can share this one with you. Well, during days when people can see me I tend to wear a black metal armor with a spike helmet and such, but during nights, when I’m alone at home I turn into a blue jeans and carpe diem shirt monster with a bandana. I like this band as much as my secret was real. Mustasch also known for “AMADABBANANA”. 3

Ironpants: No… thank you! Thank you for releasing an album that will make a shitload of dudes in Sweden with Wolverine sideburns and muscle cars feel alive again. I can’t deny that they work up some cool fat stoner inspired grooves here and there, but… no! 3

Axel Rudi Pell: Into the storm

4.0/10

Habakuk: This guy’s secret recipe is that with a shit name like that, you’ll always end up positively surprising people. Or getting beaten up in school. 5

CadenZ: ARP is the personification of embarrassment. A guitarist who thinks he’s a virtuoso, but only manages to sound like shit in all ways possible and impossible. Axel Rudi Pelle (Finnish for clown) would be a more fitting name to him. Other than that this is some uninteresting and bland Teutonic metal with an OK vocalist. 3

Cobal: So, hate ARP’s self-homage band? I don’t blame you. Few are those who actually get to understand and enjoy both sides of metal. Death, black and thrash are not all that there is to it, you see. Having said that, “Into the Storm” doesn’t really add up for these German’s career. Let’s just say if you’re into albums that bring a couple heavy metal songs, a bunch of ballads and some other hard rock tunes to the table, you should probably check this one out. Otherwise, go back to listen to another br00tal or cvlt shitty band nobody gives a fuck about. Never realized before how similar is this guy’s voice to that of Jon Bon Jovi when the later could still sing. 7

sincan: For being a guitarist’s “solo band” the vocals are dominating way too much, it’s like they just play the easiest (filler) shit ever. Oh and don’t forget to throw in a boring solo or two. 2

Ironpants: I got so bored when listening to this so I re-arranged all the letters from the name and album title: “Relaxed I Pull Hot Sermon Tits”. 3

Caliban: Ghost empire

3.0/10

Habakuk: I know I’ve come up this Wing Commander reference last time they put something in AA already, but I don’t care. You pathetic descendants of monkeys! 5

CadenZ: My gag reflex just called it a day. 1

Cobal: Metalcore is not my thing. Not even if it’s well written and performed like this one. I’ll give them this: they did spare us most of the goddamn shit that’s surrounded the genre ever since its dawn. I suppose one can say this is a good metalcore record (?) 5

sincan: I never fell for the “macho vocals with furry emo choruses”-thing. Do people still create this type of infected crotch? 2

Ironpants: For fuck’s sake. Brutal sound, brutal voice, brutal riffs, but performed with the mindset of a unicorn. Metal. Core. Must. Die! But the main question is… Aren’t they a couple of years too old for this shit? Just look! 2